This week, I have been reflecting on how changes from the past that seemed so bad at the time, served me well and have put me on a greater path for the present and future. Exactly three years ago today, I was financially broke having come out of a year-long stop to a big part of my life – a franchise business and its termination clauses that meant I could not practice in my local area or work with any clients that I had spent nurturing and valuing over the years. It was a huge learning curve and one time in life that was troublesome for me financially and for my health. I just complied. I felt very alone and was at a loss as to what to do. My coaching business was a little slow as well and I was haemorrhaging living costs with all four of my children in mainstream education. As a single parent, there was no other income.
Every part of me wanted to fight the situation, but the ground under my feet was taken away and I had not learnt to fly yet. I was broken. I could not stand the thought of going back to employment again. You see, I loved working for myself and with myself and a close number of people that were valued in my circle for their expertise. I was thrust into the busy schedule of looking after children and learning how to adapt and keep adapting daily with money, thoughts of getting food on the table and how to keep smiling when I just wanted to hide and cry. It was an extremely low point in my life having spent so many years before this, in a good place.
Much to my embarrassment, I started applying for jobs and working on my coaching business, but I instantly forgot how to run a business, and how to market myself and my services. The added frustration was that marketing seemed to be gaining more traction online through social media and I had to face a demon – promoting myself when through cultural upbringing, I was taught not to bring attention to myself in a way that establishes ego and pride. I tried so hard, but nothing was working. I was on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown but had to keep functioning for the sake of my children. All I witnessed was everyone else progressing whilst I took a back seat and felt shame. I remember now, reflecting on this difficult time that I forgot everything about coaching myself – I was not using any strategies or techniques I would share with my clients. I was not doing or being my best even in difficult circumstances.
I thought emotional needs aside, that financial stability would help me – but then it was not a choice – I had to! capacity in every area of life was fast approaching rock bottom. My children were eating baked potatoes and beans with no cheese – every day! Having applied for all sorts of jobs, mindful that I could not travel too far away, and still had to pick kids up from school and college, the only jobs going were ones very badly paid that it was not worthwhile and the hours long. I had to make a difficult decision to break into some savings that were there for my needs in the future. It dribbled down to zero.
Whilst I was trying to breathe shallowly and swim around in the sludge in the darkest of times, something stopped me from suffocating – my children who were there doing their thing, keeping me busy because they were so curious about life and wellness, that I had to help them continue. Even they had to adapt in a way that was not fair. They rejected birthday invites, as I could not get them presents to give. They lost some friends because these
friends believed they were being difficult and could not be bothered. Then I realised in the quiet of the darkness and in stillness I needed all parts of my health and well-being to sustain me and give me hope through my lost world. I had to go back to being bossed!
The distaste in my mouth become stronger and more metallic as I wrote out more applications and kept searching for roles in employment. Things were so slow and communication from companies was really bad. At the same time, difficulties continued on a daily basis. I could even say hourly each day. I hated the 9-5 mentality that so many have. I like the freedom of time and working ethics and I had to pack all my success, achievements
and experience into that 9-5 mentality. It was a gigantic leap. Experiences of past jobs with bad leadership and management, discrimination and inconsistency came to the front of my mind. At that point, I was not sure if I was putting myself on a road to recovery or
further trauma! Nevertheless, I had to keep moving to applying for jobs that were way
beneath my experience and value. It was a simple decision to get money coming in to pay bills. I had to become a small-town girl with small-town chances. Emails and online applications were not working – no one was getting back to me. Retail jobs as customer service assistants had some weird algorithm that kept rejecting me at the first hurdle. I needed help, maybe I was a little unpolished in the application feature, but I knew that if I
can get in front of someone interviewing, I would get the job. I was urged to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone. I loved that more than paper and online stuff.
Meanwhile, my bank account and savings had gone to 25 pence. A can of beans was no longer an option for dinner either. Let’s then add the unique family network I had at the time that blamed me for being an entrepreneur and not doing a regular 9-5 job with all the
security that they possess. How dare I bring this situation to myself and my children? How arrogant and selfish of me, right?
Do meaning and fulfilment not matter? For some going to work every day and doing the same things is good enough but having been in both camps, I still love my freedom to choose how I spend my day, with whom and for what. It is the most incredible feeling. The years that I spent in my own bubble working for myself were great and I had hoped that employment conditions and fairness in the workplace would have improved but even at the application stage, I thought it may have become worse than in the 1990s and early 2000. A tick-box exercise for many companies but still more narrow-mindedness when it came to
genuine inclusivity and ethics.
But then I remembered what my fight was. It was not to make right what was wrong in the world- not yet anyway. I had creditors and bankers that were asking questions as to my state of affairs. I was so pumped that I picked up the phone with an agent and applied to be represented, telling them exactly what I was looking for and why. In the meantime, I heard a ping – an email back from a college – an educational facility which I value. I was local and 20 minutes down the road – it meant I could be near my children and dog and my elderly mum. I got an interview and did well, only then to be told that someone else beat me to the position and I wanted to know why. It was the first opportunity for feedback, and I wanted to learn from it.
It only took a month for them to get back to me and in the meantime started working as a Christmas temp at a local city shopping centre. Much to my relief, I had weekly money coming in and I could plan and engage with life in a more positive way. Some respite from counting pennies. It was only temporary and finished in mid-January so getting security over a longer period of time was necessary.
Then in late November, I got a No Caller ID call, which I picked up and I finally got my opportunity for feedback from the college job. Furthermore, I got an early Christmas present! The candidate who got the job had gone silent and had not accepted the position offered so the college still had a vacancy, and it was mine straight after the Christmas temp job was up
early in January. After a day of deliberation, I accepted a slightly higher remuneration package, but it was still low and hours long. Part of the feedback to me before offering it to me by default was that they thought I would be a really good coach to young people in the college and they wanted to keep me on file for opportunities in that department. How
ironic! They did not know fully that I was a fully certified coach with so much experience. After a moment of chuckling, my thoughts turned to “when would I get a chance to write my book or work on my coaching”, and “service new coaching clients?”
My dream of getting back to self-employment was drifting away from me and I truly felt I was going to jail, a prison of borrowed time, inflexibility, the slayer of dreams, a puppet to someone else’s agenda! But then and now looking back to the past three years, I can only say that the path was mixed – the fight for freedom continues, but I am so grateful that I had a secure job in a safe and interesting place to work, got to know so many people and had some really good laughs along the way with people. I changed my role within two years and now although still employed with much fewer hours, I am finishing my higher-level qualification
for teaching and training whilst so much of the world is still being impacted by the economic and financial crisis due to COVID policies. The most amazing insight into my early days at the college was that my job was one where I could commit to it 100% and then walk out and forget about it till the next day. So many working for themselves cannot do that- we overwork, we overthink, overcommit and are obsessed with making our businesses even more successful.
Somehow, I made it work. This last year alongside teaching and coursework towards my qualification I became a published and award-winning author, worked on more coaching business, re-energised my offers and social media and made plans for the next 5 years. I am back in my happy place. I made difficult decisions but from reflection, I never really lost sight of my ability to adapt under challenging circumstances. You can do the same.
